LEO: This month you will have the ambitions of a Jellyfish.
VIRGO: If the chicken fits, wear it.
LIBRA: Drink your way to a success.
SCORPIO: Your lucky colour this month will be elusive
SAGITARIUS: It’s time to get your chakra realigned and your liver exorcised.
CAPRICORN: This month your aura will be a poopy yellow.
AQUARIUS: Take a little time out to smell the odor.
PISCES: Your irrational hated of all things Queensland is quite rational.
ARIES: This month your unlucky smell will be wet.
TAURUS: We’re starting to worry about you. Oh, and Bill Cosby says “Hi”.
GEMINI: I’m not drunk, you’re sexy.
CANCER: Your spirit animal this month is the crab stick.