CANCER. You may or may not have a handle
LEO. You’re a shitty little rainbow of joy and happiness. Well done arsehole.
VIRGO. Beware the horse radish and de ja vu
LIBRA. If you see a toilet in your dreams, don’t use it
SCORPIO. You’ve got this. And unfortunately, you’ve got that.
SAGITARIUS. There’s nothing more frightening than a naked man with a hard on carrying a sword.
CAPRICORN. Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
AQUARIUS. There you are
PISCES. Now featuring better living through denial.
ARIES. Some assembly may be required this month.
TAURUS. Your lucky scent this month will be Safari suit and cheese.
GEMINI. If life gives you lemons tell life to “go fuck itself”