PISCES: Your lucky force this month is centrifugal…. Spin you wild thing spin
ARIES: You have always been somebody else’s weirdo
TAURUS: By all accounts you’ve been circus sized
GEMINI: Remember, “it’s better out than in” does not apply for all objects
CANCER: Diesen Monat wird dien Horrorscope auf deutch sein?
LEO: You seem to have developed “Abnormal lover function”
VIRGO: Your lucky flavor is alcohol….Great minds drink alike
LIBRA: It seems that you’ll never make it as a medieval knight
SCORPIO: Your lucky place this month is where the weird things are
SAGITARIUS: I’d have that looked into if I was you
CAPRICORN: Your lucky will never get better if you don’t stop rubbing it
AQUARIUS: The large print giveth and the small print taketh away