Cambridge Hotel, Newcastle
Thursday June 27, 2013 :
WARNING: this reveiw will contain beards. Pogonophobics (those with a fear of beards) stop reading now.
Thursday night at the Cambridge could have been mistaken for a gathering of the local chapter of the beard enthusiast society. Folically challenged faces were few and far between while the majority sported beards of all shapes and sizes. From the “meat grinder” and the “wispy Wiggins”, to the full fledged “hibernator” or the “wandering Jim”, Thursday night, if for just one night, you were only cool if you had a beard.
Enola Fall opened the night, followed by Little Bastard. Both bands were good, but could barely grow a beard between them, and so we won’t waste another beardless breath on them.
The tension mounted as an eager bearded throng chanted in anticipation of their hairy heros. The crowd erupted as the bands’ adopted theme song, ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ by beard rocking legends ZZ Top, revealed their imminent arrival. Johann Beardraven, Nathaniel Beard, John Beardman Jr. and Facey McStubblington took the stage, and made this bare beardless world a little more tolerable. Beardraven took the mic and promptly re-named us “Beardcastle”!
After acknowledging the “V.I.B.” (Very Important Beard) section, the bewhiskered band launched into their set of exclusively pro-beard hits including ‘This Beard Stays’, ‘No Beard, No Good’, ‘Got Me a Beard’, ‘Shaved Off His Beard (..and now he’s dead)’ and of course, ‘You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man’, punctuating the end of each tune with an emphatic “BEARDS!”. Their furry followers lapped up song after shaggy song. The V.I.B.’s in the front not content to merely admire the bountiful beards from a distance reached out to touch the hallowed hair, and like the Pope and with his ring, Nathaniel regularly reached back to the crowd allowing them to feel his face fur.
Incase it remains unclear for those yet to experience The Beards, they, like this review, are a relentless, beard themed machine. They however, unlike this reviewer, are clever, talented, and a can hold an audience in the palm of their beard… …I mean hand.
Reviewer: Thomas Reid
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